Choir. Mum forgot to pick me up at the train station, so i had to walk home with my heavy bag with all its space taken up by an overly heavy laptop case and a folder filled with homework. Just gave my brother a lecture about studying and taking responsibility for things. I want him to learn from my mistakes. I'm only so harsh to him because i want him to be better. But it seems like the role of a sister is harder to be, every single day. Seeing him repeat the same mistakes as i did makes me feel so useless. I am still waiting for the day he matures and understands that everything i do for him is for his own good only. God, i sound like an overprotective parent. I know someone who thinks that's exactly what i am.
Computer strike for the whole day until now, just to blog. It's going well though i miss being in the middle of all that internet action. It's a worthwhile sacrifice though. I'm glad i finally made the move to do it. Hmm i'm in one of those thoughtful moods right now, as you probably know from the change of tone in my words. Everything around me is so familiar. I wonder what will happen to all those memories taken place in the midst of all this familiarity. Soon nothing will be familiar anymore. All of this will be replaced by a new familiarity. Does that scare you? If i were to pick one disability, i would pick deafness. Maybe it would be good not to hear anything. In that world of silence, only i can see the true beauty of everything. Maybe then, i can know you love me, without you saying i love you.
I want to disconnect from you. I don't want you to remember the me you used to love, i want you to see the new me which i have created just so you could forget about me. Isn't that smart? Soon you'll have a new life with that new 'someone' and i'll just be a memory from the past. Will i even be a memory? I'll get over this stage soon hopefully, just like i got over my obsession of thinking i was a failure. It's unhealthy, as Debbie said. But you're supposed to face, and accept the truth right? The truth is:
