Wow that quote thing is so right. I wish i could do that >.> Argh school's demented. The problems don't even concern me... but somehow.. i always get in the middle of it. FML , LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS. Great now i care. Dammit... as soon as i get involved, i start caring, i start worrying about things, i try to help, i try to sort things out and before i know it, im PART of this situation.

I broke down during dinner today TT'. We were eating at an Italian restaurant and i was just thinking about life and depressing things so tears just staring forming. My parents think i'm depressed now, so they just started shaking their heads. What is wrong with me? 

Why do stupid, depressing thoughts always come up in my mind? It's probably a stage in a typical teenager's life. I hate it. There isn't one day where i am completely happy. There isn't one day where i don't put myself down and underestimate myself. There isn't one day where i dont hate myself. I keep telling myself, you only live life once. You're only young once. I should take advantage of every moment, every little good thing that is happening to me, instead of dwelling on the bad things that happen. BUT I CAN'T. Why? Because nothing good seems to be happening. I wake up in the morning, and there is nothing i look forward to. It's like.. every day is a struggle to wake up because i know nothing new or good is going to happen anyway. These negative thoughts make me sad. 

What's worse is i can't even pretend i'm not sad. [i'm not going to use the word 'depressed' to describe myself anymore because it's not technically accurate]. I don't want my friends and family to worry [if they do at all] and i don't want them to think i'm deliberately looking sad for attention. Yeah i know that's what 80% of my friends think. "Pfft look at her, she is totally trying to get attention." Ok maybe not exactly that, but yeah i can predict it's something like that . 

Lost bball today. In the last 5 seconds i attempted a 3 pointer which hit the ring and missed. I was selfish again. Everyone kept passing the ball to me to shoot and i missed every time except once. I'm so crap. So tired today. The weather was bad and chinese school was tiring. Went to sleep as soon as i got home. 

i woulnd't be able to sleep without it. It's so effing cold at night >.> Ohmygod i don't have a mirror in my room right, cos i really hate looking at myself. I only have this tiny mirror so i can do my hair and stuff in the morning. Today i was looking at my reflection, realised [not that i havnet already] how ugly i was, and i threw it onto the ground. IT DIDN'T BREAK OMG. I was tempted to crush it with my hairbrush but i didn't want to create a mess or my parents would be pissed and sus. I hate luvos as well. I don't understand why people say they think they're ugly, but take 10000000 billion luvos of themselves. Clearly, they really don't think that. I don't mind taking pictures with my friends and stuff, because i know i would ruin the moment if i don't join in the photo, but taking pictures of myself just scares me.

 -shiver-

sorry if i offended anyone, as you can tell, my mood isn't exactly great. goodnight.