Uhm I kinda just spent an hour blogging about my goals in life and my thoughts on exchange and it didn't save. That's cool. Very ironic because in that post I had a rant about how life was unfair (referring to the unfortunate people out there) and how people are stupid. So yeah i'm pissed at the moment. An hour gone. An hour I couldn've spent writing Cosmology nnotes which I haven't done yet because I absolutely hate science and I dont think it deserves my time.
Anyway I had a sudden realisation. People always ask this question: Why do we die? Is there a reason for death to exist? I finally have an answer! Because we deserve it. We deserve to die. We are destructive creatures yet out of all the animals, we're one of the ones that live for such a long amount of time.
I officially hate blogger. ONE SIMPLE "blogger was unable to complete your request" IS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH APOLOGY FOR DELETING MY MASSIVE LIFE RANT-ESSAY. GRRRRRRR. Maybe it's just fate. Maybe if i posted it, it would've been really bad. People might judge me, people might think i'm really weird. Oh well I need to stop this habit of caring what peopel think of me. I really envy people who dont' give a shit about anything. Talk behind my back, i don't care less! I WISH I COULD DO THAT. I WISH I DIDN'T CARE.
Unfortunately I do. I am so vulnerable. You try to hurt me, but instead you knock me dead. Occasionally (rarely) I stand up for myself, but that's only for the morals i strongly believe in, or for the people I care a lot about. If someone said something about the way I looked, the way i dressed, behaved etc. I would pretend I agree and then I'd go home and think about it and eventually accept waht they said was right. that is not good. very very very bad. I don't even try to think about waht they said was WRONG. I'd instantly jump to the conclusion that they're right and i just never noticed it.
I don't want people to know that is my weakness but when someone found out, they made fun of me, already keeping in mind that I was self conscious. For the rest of the year, anything I did that could somehow relate back to what she said, I remembered and became sad. She only did it twice but I still remembered it for so long. Friends tell me, don't worry it doesn't matter what people say about you, or to you. They don't understand because they have the strength and the will to forget and move on straight away.
Anyway I should probably go to sleep now cos I have a test I havent' studied for tomorrow. Argh.. so not bothered.. When I thought life was getting boring (after tuesday), my mum told me today that we're going out to eat tomorrow night. WOOH something to look forward to! Yummy food.. i'll promise to take pictures with an actual camera this time to get better quality. It's at King's Crossmy hometown. Just gonna chill there tomorrow night with my stripper friends. Have a good night! (or if you come to home in king's cross, you will defs have a nice time there heheheh)
