So i'm in this incredibly weird mood lately. Sorry i'm going to type really fast so excuse some spelling mistakes. Need to finish this post in 5mins so i can sleep early to wake up at 5am for my lovely Frensham game tomorrow! WOOOOH HOW EXCITING! seriously, i hate them so much.
What is happiness? That is a question that everyone has a different answer to. To me, what happiness is isn't important, instead, how do you experience happiness/ what gives you happiness is the question that I want an answer to. Of course, everyone has really different takes on this question but lately i've been feeling...sad? I have this intense pang of jealousy.... for what may you ask? For people with true happiness. Sometimes I just daydream off during class/random strolls around the city and I see people who are laughing and smiling so effortlessly and having a genuinely good time. They seem to be... so...happy. After school I see my friends hang out with their boyfriends or whatever and wow.. they are so happy and I FEEL SO HAPPY FOR THEM!!! I AM SOOO HAPPY FOR THEM ITS LIKE... CRAZY. I see them and I can't help but smile...for a creepily long time o_O I go to Westfield and I see girls walking with their mum happily on a Friday afternoon shopping and eating. WTF I can't even remember the last time I did that with my mum. OH RIGHT PROBABLY NEVER.
Anyway I am not angry, I am sad, so I will keep my caps lock use to a minimum. I made a list of the things that make me happy:
going out to dinner with my family
sleepovers with nice, long dnms
friends.
chinese school with friends (i'm going to miss it, as weird as it sounds)
parties
texts from unexpected people
seeing friends happy
going to interesting places with parents
really genuine compliments
taking a good picture
finding a bargain
watching youtube videos
getting an epic assignment mark back
looking in the mirror and thinking that you look good.
That list was what I could think of on the top of my head. Of course, I am generally happy at school with friends surrounding me, which is kinda like a ..hmm... protection bubble of..good..ness. Anyway, I want happiness that lasts. I'm not expecting too much, a whole day would be good. The last time that happened would probably be on Valentine's Day or.. actually I have bad memory ==
Did i mentioned I stuffed up my maths and english assessment task? Oh and my science assessment task from last year too. Hahah great. I've noticed that I stopped caring about my marks ages ago. Now it's just like..meh...expect the worst. *gets mark back* oh shit it's worse than my bad expectation. ...Meh.
I need more sleep. I feel so tired. My body feels so heavy and I just feel so shit. Physically, emotionally and mentally. My friend suggested me to do something spontaneous. Well there's this cemetery party tomorrow (dangerous sounding) but it goes until 11:30 which is too late for my parents to pick me up even though they said they won't mind. Besides, I need to go back to Cockatoo Island on Sunday to take photos. That should be fun. Pwargh.......................life =___=.
omg i'm sure you've all heard about the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan right? The pictures and clips were really quite confronting and scary.. apparently there's going to be one in Sydney (bella told me this so NO GUARENTEE ON THE ACCURACY OF THIS INFO). People are talking about the 2012 thing slowly unfolding... they're scared of death. So i asked myself this question: If you were going to die soon, how would you feel? Without considering all the stuff like family, future, friends etcetc. I told myself, I wouldn't want to die. But if it was going to happen soon, in the state that I am in now, ok whatever. Do anything you want to me. I don't even care anymore. My life is just so.. meh. meh meh meh meh mehmehmehmehmhmhmh I AM ALREADY TIRED. I AM TIRED OF LIFE. Everything amkes me so tired. I just want to sleep and never wake up.
