It's mother's day today and for once I actually did what a daughter should do. I bought my mum a present at Open Day yesterday and even made a card LOL. I know right, me!! Then I went to deliver stuff at shopping centres with my mum and bought coffee... here was the convo:
mum: go buy a coffee for me
me: okay. can i get one too?
mum: ok. WAIT... it's too strong for you, get a hot chocolate
me: *heheehehehhehehehehe little does she know...*
mum: there aren't any prices... how much is a cappuccino?
me: it should be $3-4 but normally not more than $3.80 for a regular
mum: ... how do you know this?!
me: errrrrrrr... my friend's like a coffee addict .. heh..he.e..ehheeeheh...
mum: what friend?! at this age? what a bad influence!! doesn't she know that it's bad for you and if she's already addicted at this age then what will happen in the future? drink 5 cups a day? Aiya......
me: ... yeah i tell her that all the time! *cough* *walk away in shame*
Anyway I didn't do anything productive today. I talked to my Gma on the phone and everytime I do i get sad cos she keeps reminiscing in the past when she used to look after me. I feel so sad cos I keep thinking that she's gonna die in the next few years and all of those memories will be gone with her. Then I think about how everyone is going to leave me, my other grandparents, relatives and parents.... fml. I hate those thoughts i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate them. I refuse to face reality, that death is just inevitable. That every single person you meet is going to die at some point. All the laughter you share with your friends adn family will fade into nothing. Soon i'll be sitting alone in chair looking out somewhere peaceful and thinking about all the people who have died. Thinking about my childhood, my youth, my career, my life and my death. So i don't know, is it better to die before you see the people you love die in front of you, or die after everyone else has? And be alone with those memories. I don't know, I don't want to think.
Great, now I wont' be able to sleep tonight. ARGH. I try to talk to my grandparents as less as possible to avoid thoughts like this. They are so happy to talk to me and I try to tell them all the good stuff about my life as possible and even make up crap just to see how proud and happy they are of me. Then they keep talking about the past and how they're waiting til October so they can give me something. I gave htem one of my paintings and they hang it in their room and tried to write my English name in a little sticker stuck under my painting on the wall. They spelt it wrong. They were so flustered and tried to correct it and stuff. Then i just snuck off to the bathroom and started crying cos they're the only ones that care so much about me to stress over things like spelling my name wrong. They told me that I don't need to worry, that I am good and some guy will come along in my life and care more about me than they will so when they're gone, it's ok, they will be replaced by someone who loves me just as much.
Anyway... Open Day was fun but there weren't as many stalls as last year. Took lots of photos which I will upload in another post. LOL dragged bella around the school to pedo on children and complain about my stuffed up camera settings that i didn't know how to change. I also scabbed some free food off her and she saved me with spring rolls while I was starving at gate duty.
