At this point in time, I really don't even care anymore about random people who read this goddamn blog. I am tired of asking people, "WHAT, YOU READ MY BLOG? HOW DID YOU GET THE LINK?" There was a time where I thought about making it less personal because I only wanted it to expand as far as my close friends who I know won't judge me. Even then, I am still scared. I can't help myself though, I can never completely disregard the self-conscious thoughts that pop up in my head.

So please, I know that some of you might laugh or mock me when you read some of my posts, but just fuck off please? Am I being too paranoid? Yes I am because no one has ever said that to me, and I am assuming all of this. But sometimes I imagine certain people laughing at my personal posts and I question myself. Are my posts laughable? Are my deep inner thoughts so stupid? Whatever..... I have a reason to blog today.

I dont think that you understand how confused and frustrated I am. The first time in my life where I actually take initiative and give up my pride to annoy and persistently try to contact you, I get rejected with a lame excuse that I know is a LIE. Hahaha lies. I didn't expect that you would be associated with the word 'lie' at all. But it turns out you are MADE of lies, your words are lies and actually, YOU ARE A LIE. 

Anyway, tomorrow I need to give someone an answer. Thanks to my friend, I could think straight about what my decision would be and what the right, rational thing to do would be. Unfortunately, I still need answers from YOU to be able to know for certain taht I won't regret my decision. That is why, I so desperately need to talk to you. I hate what I am doing because this is not what i normally do. 

I am so scared of tomorrow. I dno't want to go.. I don't want to do anything. I just want to rewind time. My parents are screaming as usual. I WANT FCKING SILENCE OKAY. STOP SHOUTING I DONT WANT TO HEAR YOU.WRTHAR-HGRW

-A9HJ G-WRA9 TAW-RITARW-9UT ARW-9UT 9FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. I haven't cried in a long time. Sometimes I like to purposefully evoke myself to cry cos it makes me feel a lot better. It's as if some of my problems are locked in the tears that come out of my body. I'll do that tonight. Hahah I have ignored school altogether this long weekend. I'll worry about that tomorrow >.> eurhg........fwa'rpghwr'gh'wrt0 watuy-U0A8RGYARW-9UG WA-TUY9