yes, believe it or not i actually do have clever thoughts in my head!
it just...doesn't come out of my mouth the same way XD
*cough*
So what's going on in the exciting life of Jo?! Oh nothing much, just having a hardcore life...AT SCHOOL!!! FML it already feels like i'm in the middle of term.. and it's only the second week. A massive assessment block next week argh gonna die. Hm anyway I have some awesome baby photos that I randomly found in my stalking adventures:
AWWW <3 On the topic of babies, I found out that a girl in my year at a selective school recently had an abortion. I've heard many stories of her drug usage and sexual activities, but abortion? seriously?!?! what the HELL is wrong with her? So I used my skills to look intensely at her formspring questions and found out some answers. Her formspring is actually extremely interesting... because people love to interrogate her, insult her, totally put her down and make her look like crap. The weird thing is, she seems so laid back and chill about the whole thing that it just makes her look more like a b*tch.
she had her first boyfriend, first kiss and first sex at age 14.
she loves sex
she had plastic surgery on her eyelids and is extremely proud of it
she can't stay single for more than a month.
she smokes weed and has easy access for supplies
she cheated on 4 of her ex boyfriends (from external source)
she kissed another guy right in front of her boyfriend
she had sex with her friend's boyfriend
Do you know what worries me? This:
Unsure of the number of times you've had sex with people? The fact that it's multiple times is already horrific at the age of 15.
Wow aren't you the perfect daughter. SERIOUSLY WHAT KIND OF PARENTS DOES SHE HAVE. Apparently they know all about her weed, alcohol, smoking, sex etc and they are still oky with it. What she wrote at the end "plus i still study and care about school" almost seems like she is trying to comfort herself, trying to convince herself that she is a good person because she still 'cares about school'. Hah, sorry but your life is already in pieces. She mentioned elsewhere that everyone deserves second chances in life and haters should give her the opportunity to change. I laughed. Sure, she can get all the chances she wants, but will she want to change into a better person? It seems like this life is already the norm for her, judging by the casual way she answers her questions.
Argh enough of that.
I don't know why, but a lot of my friends come to me for love advice. I really don't understand why, I can't speak from experience and no matter how empathetic I am of my friend's situation, I can never really know how it feels like. One sided love. The friends that come to me are all so different, but the one thing they have in common is that they have this undying love for someone that they really care about. The great thing about talking to someone else about your problems is that you get a new perspective of what the situation is really like, instead of being trapped in your own little world with your own little ideas and assumptions. So when they tell me their situation, I know exactly what's going on outside their world. Usually it's bad. Very bad. So I subtly hint to them that they should probably move on, find someone else blah blah. There have been some cases where i've actually formed relationships!! WOOT! Unfortunately, there is always that one person who refuses to give up and is willing to wait til whenever the other person realises their feelings and accepts them. Even if I give them the cruel advice to confess (knowing what the answer will be), they still remain determined after the rejection. As a friend, what am I supposed to do from then on? Support them or tell them straight out that it just won't work out. You want the best for your friend, but you don't want to hurt them... so i'm stuck.
Another thing is that relationships always seem to ruin friendships, even the best of friends. Why then, would you still continue pursuing a stupid guy if your friendships are ruined because of him? IT'S NOT FREAKING WORTH IT. Hmm i've also been rethinking about my own history for the past week because I found out that my friend's friend likes my friend who I used to be very close with and I was telling the girl who liked him, everything I knew about him. The more I talked, the more I realised how good he was. She asked me why I didn't like him back if I made him sound so good. It was true though, someone like him is a very rare find. I thought about it and I just laughed. Yeah Jo, why didn't you? Why didn't you do this, why didn't you do that, why are you still like THIS? I guess I sort of like being in this state of numbing pain. I've gotten so used to this disappointment that i've become "comfortable" like this. I can't imagine anything else. I never knew that until that day in the holidays where reality hit me right in the face. A question was posed: will you go out with me? Alarm bells were ringing and all signs of wrong-ness was appearing in my head. I knew nothing, but I knew that this was wrong, it was not right. But why? 2 years ago i would've gladly said yes to such a beautiful question with such a decent being standing in front of me. It's because i've gotten used to being like this......i don't even know what "this" is but I really can't imagine being like anything else. Aimless daydreaming about impossible scenarios, reminiscing the past, writing in my diary about thoughts going on in my head, drinking tea by myself and imagining the empty space next to me is filled and talking to an imaginary person and of course, dreaming at night.
