Reality, is that what this is? Cos if it is, then living in reality is pretty cool :) Of course I am just starting this long journey, which I kept promising myself to start. Hurry up and step onto the road Jo! I tried to listen to my head, but as usual, my heart took over. Thank god I embraced the remaining will left inside of me... from god knows where. I am just starting, but I am looking forward to the day I truly know I have left the past behind. When I see you, my heart will not beat faster, my instincts won't tell me to run away. I will pull up a half smile, nod and walk past. Not the most polite greeting, but i'm sorry, but you don't really deserve anything more I reckon. After all, i didn't get a half smile or nod, I got continuous stabbing in the heart and no apologies. I remember I kept telling myself, no there must be a good explanation for it, I just know it. I laugh now because the simple truth is just..you don't care. My friend reminded me the other day that people change. Even if it's a couple of months, a person can change so dramatically you won't even recognise them anymore.
That's what you are, unrecognisable? Who are you? I would like to know, but honestly.. I don't think I am in the position to 'get to know you'. After all, my efforts have always been one sided and rarely returned. I really hope that the period of time I just went through will be the ONLY time in my life. I guess the experience has shaped me into a different person, and I can't say for the better. I am more cautious... more doubtful and less open to people wanting to come into my life. The truth is, I am afraid of being hurt. I do admit that I can get hurt easily, because I am a fragile person (though I hate to show it) but in order to leave a scar on me, it takes a lot. I will never again, let anyone leave a scar on me. If it means closing up on genuinely nice people that want to be a part of my life, as more than friends, then so be it. After all, I thought you were a genuinely nice person too right? Who would've guessed that the future would be like this?
Anyway I thank those friends who have given me sooo much endless head drilling and for slapping me when I need it most :D I can't imagine being my own friend... I would run away as soon as I saw myself ==' THANKS FRIENDS! :DDDDThe good news is I won't be such a pain anymore (jks i can't guarentee anything). Hopefully this blog will be filled with happy posts and less emotional ranting ==' Omg i am so embarrassed. I really do hope that no one reads this blog anymore.... eurgh. DOESN'T HELP THAT I HAVE GAINED 2 NEW STALKERS (THANKS PEOPLE ON MY TAGBOARD ==).
