I promised myself that whenever this feeling came

I would just ignore it.

Find some distractions.

Laugh.

And everything would be okay. 

I can't help myself whenever something comes up

And I need to tell someone,

I think of you.

I scream.

 It is not possible that the harder I try

The more I fail,

The more you appear.

I am ashamed

Ashamed and embarrassed that I am writing this post

I am not weak.

I MOCK people who do what I am doing right now

Nothing really existed

I just thought it did

Delusional, stupid, unforgivable.

Look at what I have become

Look at what you have made me into.

But maybe I shouldn't blame this on you

Maybe I should take some responsibility for what I have become today

But no, this ISN'T what Jo would do

THIS IS NOT ME

THAT IS WHY, IT IS NOT MY FAULT.

BECAUSE I DON'T DO THINGS LIKE THIS

right?

no that is not right

i don't know

what is right

what what? 

huh?