Okay so I have to admit, i'm not taking good care of my poor blog. So to answer the questions of my loving *cough* friends: the reason why i've been missing on FB, blog and sometimes phone is cos I haven't had the time to do anything for the past 2 weeks because i've been so busy moving into my new house! Yes, it has been literally YEARS but it's finally done (not completely though) and i'm sleeping in a new bed, in a new house, with a new beginning. *insert inspirational music*
Jks, ive actually been watching dramas the whole day. SO, i'm not COMPLETELY lying. The truth is, every day i'm shopping with my parents and if i'm not doing that, i lock myself in my room and watch my dramas, disconnect myself from my friends and the "social world" and occasionally get depressed about not being in China. I guess i never really talked about how i felt the whole time and the other reasons why I miss it so much. Yes, i've met some truly amazing friends that i will never, ever, ever forget and yes, I miss spending every moment of the day with the 5 PLC girls that i've bonded with, and yes I miss having all the freedom in the world to do virtually ANYTHING I wanted at any time, but really, i just miss being myself... I was telling Carrie (my awesome roommate for 6 weeks who put up with my retardedness) that I was scared of going back to Australia and never be as happy as I was in China. I remember thinking one day, holy crap I don't remember the last time I wasn't smiling.... Yes, think about that sentence. In my memory, I was smiling constantly throughout the day, EVERY DAY of the trip. Normally, I smile for a reason. Something was funny. Maybe I successfully stalked someone. I saw a cute baby. But in China, I smiled for absolutely no reason at all, other than that being I was happy. SO happy. At first I wasn;'t used to it. It was so unfamiliar to me... the feeling of being light, of being so innocently happy and carefree, of not being constantly angry & impatient and basically not having put up with everything i hated in Australia.
I was free from PAIN and MISERY and I miss that. I'm trapped again... but everytime I look at the teddy my friend gave me, I'm reminded that one day i'll be able to escape again and everything will be okay. It's not like i'm a depressed teenager. I was just significantly happier somewhere other than here and I would do anything to go back, just for a day and have one whole day of pure happiness rather than 100 days of rare days of happiness. Eurgh...
Anyway, I'll post some pictures of my weeks back so far later. I must go now. Bye bye world. Have a nice holiday
